Automatic shit sucker.

It’s been a while dear readers. I’m here this morning to kvetch about the ridiculous trend of automation, specifically bathroom applications of techno whizzardry such as no touch sensors.

OK, they reduce germs right? Meh I could be convinced either way. Interacting with auto-faucets, autoflush toilets and even towl dispensers I could just about deal with, but add a soap dispenser on top of that and I feel as though the human race must have devolved into some sort of ameoboic blob with no didgits on the ends of its stumpy, inadequate, floppy or brittle appendages.

How far are we away from actually having to push out our own excrement I ask ? It’s a logical question for the progress obsessesed germaphobic effort-disinclined among us. The soap dispenser I interacted with this morning was the nail in the coffin of my auto-waste removal experience.

After the familiar fumbling experience that all users must perform to find out where to place ones hands (or butt) to interact with the bathroom automatons, to discover their range and sensitivity, the soap dispenser promptly ejected its product over my hand, as in uselessly into the sink.

Aside from the inept design of such a system I felt as though I had just participated in some sordid cyber-punk robot sex.

Are my hands too small? What product testing was done on these units, were they not calibrated to avoid having to use two hands? One to tickle and one to catch? Oh Christ on a bike.

Survive progress with your stumps.

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